They have seen the devils in those who wore angel disguise, and now have a hard time trusting faces. I want to share them with all of you who are struggling to love a damaged man. I know that it might be difficult to you to give so much and receive so little but once he starts trusting you and accepts you completely, he will show you that all your efforts weren’t in vain and that you got the man of your dreams. It’s climbing the walls they’ve built around themselves, and never quite reaching the top. Tell him there isn’t a place you would rather be than in his arms. They push you away, yet secretly hope you would still insist on staying. Alter Ego Creation, or creating a new, different personality for her. It’s saving someone while you’re losing yourself in the process. It’s desperately shouting out for them to open up, as they dive deeper into themselves as you approach. Believing that by understanding and showing sympathy they might be able to ignite some emotions but in reality that's usually not the case. What does it mean to be an emotionally damaged man? At times, they are unaware that they are hurtful in the first place. You are probably thinking, “What kind of girl would date a man like that?”, right? Maybe they just want to look like alpha males. He is just being extra careful with the people he lets into his life. And the tragedy is that in a world full of options and opportunities, in a world where most roads are smoothly paved, few will ever choose the rigid path to a damaged person’s heart. They have been through the darkest tunnels of life and have witnessed what it means to stand alone on the edge of the world with no hand to hold as the winds get stronger. You just need to be aware of the fact that your guy won’t show his feelings as often as you do. That’s why, if you choose to love a damaged person, you have to be patient with them, you have to be delicate, you have to make the first step too many times, and most importantly, you must have real feelings for them, feelings that will endure the challenges of time, the battles awaiting you, the storms approaching the coast of your heart. They think that if they do that, they will be exposed and hurt by the people around them, including their love partner. If you’ve been emotionally damaged in any way, know that there is a solution out there for you and you’re strong enough to beat whatever you’re being challenged with. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You can’t expect him to say he loves you after one month. Hurt is a reaction to fear, and in a place of Love, there is no room for fear or anything else. Loving a damaged person is one of the hardest, bravest things you could ever go through. If you don’t love him, you won’t be able to endure this. There are many moments where emotionally damaged people reveal their true selves. For this, you have to know how to love someone who is emotionally damaged. It’s never knowing whether what’s between you is real or not. They have been in stories no one will ever hear about, they have stayed awake on nights their mind would wonder to the forbidden places. If you really love him, wait until he opens up to you. So, don’t ever give up on your Mr. Imperfect. He knows what it means to be broken and to get up again and still live life as if everything were normal. They need someone to help them understand their broken feelings. Show him that you are planning to stay and that you found everything that you had been looking for the day when you met him. First of all, let’s get something straight! They are mothers or sisters and they are always there for their loved ones. However, no matter how much the emotionally broken man loves, he’ll never let his guard down when it comes to his heart. And that is what makes him so special! An emotionally damaged man can be infuriating at times with his silence, but it's only because he isn't sure that you will listen to him. Together, you can make a perfect combination. Here are some important and effective tips that will help you understand how to love someone who is emotionally unavailable. God sent him to your life for a reason. With that being said, broken men are not the best choice for a long-term relationship . Long-Term Relationships: Rebuilding Love After Emotional Damage October 13, 2011 • By Deb Hirschhorn, PhD, ... Only God can help you love someone … If you love him, be prepared for switches in his behavior. Some even develop personality disorders with very rigid, black and white thinking about relationships and others. Once he falls in love he will do his best to protect and ride the storms with you. The flip side of this is an emotionally unavailable person. This article is intended to be humorous and slightly facetious. For most men, it’s something that follows them like a shadow, for the rest of their lives . A reader wonders how to fix her relationship with an emotionally damaged man who says he can’t love. Although it is a difficult process to get an emotionally damaged man to open up to you, he will trust you a lot more easily if he knows you will always listen to his words, even if … Getting a real man means fighting for him by any means necessary and accepting him the way he is. By being able to recognize the signs, reading your man’s unique love language, and, most of all, understanding him, there’s a good chance you will both overcome the issue together. You should tell him how important he is because if you don’t, he will never believe so. Maybe they are ashamed to do that. Just think of Christian Grey. It’s not the live version of Ed Sheeran songs. An emotionally damaged person may find it difficult to trust others, may feel on edge or easily angered or offended and may try to distance themselves from … Other times, they are emotionally damaged and have serious problems they have to work out before they can be in a relationship. And one more thing: emotionally damaged people love the most sincerely! If you keep talking about it, you will just make things worse. It’s not spontaneous adventures and sweet “miss you” notes. Dating an emotionally damaged man might be a challenging situation, but it’s not the end of the world. Following my recent article, “What Being Emotionally Unavailable Really Means and Why Men Do It,” I could see from the comments that there was a general consensus that a man’s partner, and how safe he felt in the relationship, has a big impact on how likely he is to show up and open up. He is the one who will know when the time is right for that. Build your self esteem — 35 funny date to ask woman ]. Tell them you understand. Give him time to show his real face and be there no matter what happens. Just let him open up to you when he feels that it is the right time for that. Honestly speaking, there is something attractive about emotionally damaged men. You can only love one person at a time, and until she stops adoring herself so much, there is no room for you. They are like fuel that is moving him forward. And in the end, that is what love is all about! So, bear with him and be his rock. When I refer to the "damaged man", I am referring to a guy with a good heart who is a bit damaged and perhaps dysfunctional on account of his upbringing and/or a failed past relationship. They love them with all their heart and help them fight against the old demons still living inside them. On the other hand, guys don’t express their emotions often. Yes, I am a damaged woman. But trust me, if you give yourself enough time to get to know a man like that, you will see that it was worth fighting for him and that he can provide you with so much more love than any other man that you dated in the past. It might take you months to make cracks in the iceberg they have inhabited, and years to touch their soul. Because staying with a damaged person requires all the love you could possibly have. The pain or hurt can only run as deep as the Love is. They find it challenging and difficult to love someone, no matter how much they might want to. [Read: 11 types of girls you should avoid falling for at all costs] #7 Her heart belongs to someone … Men change when they are ready to. He knows how difficult it is to live like that so make sure that you don’t remind him of that so often. Maybe it is the mask they constantly wear on their face to hide their inner battles. Loving a damaged person requires rivers of patience and oceans of love. Just think about how you would feel like if someone tried to change you. That’s the same way he feels. Tell him that he means the world to you. If your partner is always asking of you but never giving, it might be time to rethink things. In case you never hear it from your loved one, I will say it: thank you. Learn about us. He is a man who needs some extra time to let you inside his heart but once you get there, he won’t erase you from it so easily. It’s not the story of two people who fall in love with each other, go out on exquisite dates, text all day, and open their hearts to one another during midnight calls. How do men become emotionally damaged? So, if you are going to date a man like this, make sure that you have enough strength and energy because it will be exhausting. He would like it if he could live like the rest of us and open up to every new person who came into his life. If he can’t control it, he risks being hurt again. They don’t want it and go to great lengths to avoid it— but they EXPECT to be hurt and through this expectation, cause enough pain to keep themselves busy for a lifetime. When you love someone who's emotionally unavailable, it can be so frustrating to feel like you're giving in a way that the person you love simply can't give back. You need to know that he will feel great one day and be possessive and jealous the next. If you are wondering what it feels like to date an emotionally broken man, keep reading. Someone who keeps your relationship undefined, someone who locks their feelings in a valve with no keys. One way to heal those emotional scars is to talk to someone about it. Even when they are surrounded by a lot of people, they will always feel lonely. He is just an emotionally damaged man, captured in a mental state that he doesn’t like. He definitely won’t change if you push him and there is a possibility that he will leave you when he sees that you are talking about his past all the time. Try to understand him because it is difficult to live this way. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who's emotionally unavailable, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love. #3 Know you’re not alone. So make sure that you are there from the beginning of your relationship because he needs to gain trust in you from the start. And they realize that this feeling only comes from being vulnerable, from opening up to people, from making them see the real you, the person you are trying to hide behind your shallow skin. If a person is serious about finding an emotionally available person for a committed partnership, there are whole categories of people who should be avoided: people living in another state, those who are still married or in love with someone else, and people with addictions - … When he broke my heart 2 weeks ago he said he couldn’t feel love (rough childhood, background etc). Dedicated to your stories and ideas. 1) He finds it tough to share his problems. He won’t be afraid you will hurt him. Well, there are girls who date men like that. Finally, he has found a person who was worth waiting for. She emotionally connects to every person in need of help. The reason he doesn’t expose his heart is because he knows he can’t control it. 6 below], he wants someone who does not need him emotionally at all. And he will never let you go.Living with an emotionally damaged man is like a roller coaster of emotions. Without you, we would have never dared to dream or love again. It’s as simple as that! "Adults with insecure attachments tend to be emotionally volatile in relationships. This is how so many people catch themselves falling for someone who is emotionally damaged. He was a millionaire, a successful businessman, he was handsome and polite but he was still broken. You should remember this fact. Damaged people crave love more than anything else, yet they run from it at its very sight. And these emotionally broken men obviously love in a different way as well. The emotionally broken man has seen it all. They fear the feeling that still haunts them from the past, the feeling of being hurt, the feeling of being left behind. They just need someone who will accept them with all their imperfections and to be able to love them without limitations. They are there to tell them that even bad times will pass and that no matter what happens, they will be there to comfort them and to give them their support. It’s a win or lose game. And to … Emotionally damaged men really appreciate when you are around. He was incomplete for his entire life. If a person is serious about finding an emotionally available person for a committed partnership, there are whole categories of people who should be avoided: people living in another state, those who are still married or in love with someone else, and people with addictions - … Such emotional insecurity doesn’t disappear that easily. This sign of emotional damage stems from someone using personal habits, quirks, damaged bits of your personality and hurting signs with it. Don’t give up. Anchoring, or making her associate good feelings with you, and bad feelings away from you. You can only love one person at a time, and until she stops adoring herself so much, there is no room for you. Is it something that maybe happened in their past or was it a certain woman who was guilty of this damage? They have a lack of self-awareness, an abundance of relational needs (that they can’t reciprocate), and because they are unable to tap into their emotions, they cannot empathize nor do their words match their actions. They want an emotional connection, yet every time they try to establish one, ghosts of their past start haunting them, carrying images of the pain they had to endure. 5 Powerful Ways to Help Someone in Emotional Pain There is no bandage to stop the tears, no method to sterilize the psychic wound, and no plaster cast for the heartbreak. He has them, they are present but he has a hard time expressing them. You can get used to the quiet and cold him and he will get used to the passionate you. When you fall in love with them and act all sweet and reassuring, at first things are awesome. But on the other hand, an emotionally damaged person who has learned how to love will love more deeply than any dog ever could (and that says a lot because I think dogs are really good at love… They have been through hell and back and all they ask for is someone to love them. He now says that he was close to telling me he loved me so many times (as was I) but he thought I’d laugh at him. You are sent on a mission to slowly peel their shield, layer by layer, and part by part. I love my partner. And love is an essential part of our life. If you are patient, he will open up to you. They will give you just enough of themselves to hang on there, to stay close. You will never return to how you were before them, so either take it or leave it. Just another sad ending that is common when someone gives up on love before the relationship is over, and when that happens usually both people are going to get hurt in the process. You may unsubscribe at any time. Maybe it is that look they get when another man is talking to you. The truth is, emotionally damaged people are usually not being hurtful intentionally. If you are to change; it will be when you decide to and not when others decide, right? Emotionally damaged men have been hurt. Emotionally damaged men have been hurt. In the end, it’s either winning the war or losing everything; including yourself. In case you never hear it from your loved one, I will say it: thank you. They also have emotions and just because they don’t show them as often as women, it doesn’t mean they can’t get hurt. “Emotionally damaged” is a term that is often used to describe how someone feels after going through an emotional trauma or hurt. The woman who is emotionally unavailable because she loves herself too much, is the one you should let go. 1) Emotionally damaged people arrive PRIMED for pain. Understand the reason: Basically, all men want to be loved! You know why? The catch is, an emotionally damaged man also needs love. Writing is not her job, it’s her passion. Emotionally damaged people have a tough time being in a healthy relationship, and they have a harder time accepting genuine love from someone. I think these questions are very difficult to answer, especially if you have never dated that kind of guy. This is not the kind of love you see in movies, nor is it romantic in any way. I never thought that I would meet someone emotionally unavailable and broken. However, no matter how much the emotionally broken man loves, he’ll never let his guard down when it comes to his heart. When he broke my heart 2 weeks ago he said he couldn’t feel love (rough childhood, background etc). So they don’t get attached so easily and they don’t let other people in their life before getting to know them well. Tell them how much you love them and how grateful you are to have met them. And there is nothing bad about that. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. You can’t affect his decision, so just leave him until he is ready. You might be happy to bend over backward for someone you love, but that only works for a little while. And if you’re helping someone get over their hurt, know that you’re doing something they’ll never forget, so be careful with the heart you hold in your hands. But the harsh truth is that he can’t. Once he hears this coming out of your mouth, he will fall in love with you even harder because he will know that there is a woman in his life who is ready to accept him the way he is, with all his scars and the demons from his past. Nobody said that love is easy and that a real man will just fall from the sky into your lap and that you will live happily ever after. Because he needs to hear those words. I am not referring to someone that is intentionally hurtful, cruel, abusive, and/or sadistic. [Read: 11 types of girls you should avoid falling for at all costs] #7 Her heart belongs to someone else. He now says that he was close to telling me he loved me so many times (as was I) but he thought I’d laugh at him. Letting out those feelings and some of the pain by talking to someone you trust is a good way to start moving beyond your heartache. Every emotionally broken guy has a bad past. Once he falls in love he will do his best to protect and ride the storms with you. Maybe it is their half-smile that never reaches their eyes. That is called respect and if you do that, he will cherish you even more. If he doesn’t expose his heart, nobody will hurt him. No matter what the reason is, it is a fact that men are human beings. But try to understand him when he says that he has some scars and cracks in his heart that have to be healed. To slowly melt their heart. Just by being patient and giving him some space, you are doing him an incredible favor. Kudos to the men out there who have the nerve to date a damaged woman, picking up the pieces of the broken heart, that you had nothing to do with, and gently putting it back together. He has been hurt in the past and this is his self-defense mechanism. Falling In Love With People Who Don’t Love Themselves, Real Love Isn’t About Finding Someone Who Meets All The Criteria On Your List, How Living with Crohn’s Disease Has Shaped Me to Be the Person I Am Today, The Kinds Of People You Really Need To Stop Dating, What It Means To Love Someone Who’s Been Abused, In The New Year I Hope You Learn To Fall Back In Love With Yourself, Love With Abandon, Love Without Looking For An Escape, Why The Girls With The Best Hearts Find Themselves In Toxic Relationships. Kudos to the men out there who have the nerve to date a damaged woman, picking up the pieces of the broken heart, that you had nothing to do with, and gently putting it back together. So, think twice before you say, “I DO!”. And honestly, that is not something he wants to go through again. Well, their past is the main reason they feel this way. Yes, he has a heart but he keeps it locked, far away from everyone. Here’s How An Emotionally Broken Man Loves Differently. There is something that made scars on his heart. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. This is because, subconsciously, you emotionally so defensive and feel the … Unfortunately, most people think only women have feelings and emotions. The smell of betrayal still lingers on their door, and whatever you do and no matter how much you try, it seems impossible to prove to them that you’re not like the rest, that you will never leave them, that your love is stronger that any force in this world. So drop it. When someone is emotionally damaged most individuals family or partner try to “save" that person. When all is said and done, a damaged person has a lot to offer when it comes to love, compassion, and even kindness. He will tell you even his darkest secrets. Here are some important and effective tips that will help you understand how to love someone who is emotionally unavailable. I am sure he will find some ways to pay you back! They seem to us like strong independent people who need no one, but inside they are the most vulnerable beings needing a hand to hold and a soul to understand. They won’t let you go because deep down they need you, but they won’t give you any more of themselves because they know how powerful feelings may be. The woman who is emotionally unavailable because she loves herself too much, is the one you should let go. If you just give him some time to open up, he will do so. When all is said and done, a damaged person has a lot to offer when it comes to love, compassion, and even kindness. What kinds of things need to happen to them to become so closed and not ready to show their emotions? I know you will be the one who will show her feelings all the time. It will be very difficult at the beginning to gain his trust, but when he sees you are there for him, he will start trusting you. So, please, try to understand him. But long story short, the Black Rose Sequence has four steps: Fractionation, or putting her on an emotional rollercoaster. For this, you have to know how to love someone who is emotionally damaged. Tell him that you love him. Even though he is not perfect, he definitely won’t feel better if you try to change him. It is not easy to fight with those demons living inside of him. It’s being sent mixed signals because they want you, yet they fear you. The thought of letting someone in who could potentially cause as much hurt and damage as the last person did is absolutely terrifying, especially if there's an actual connection. He had everything he was dreaming of but he didn’t have love. What we do have is our presence, and by listening to the needs of the suffering, we provide a connection that is more powerful than any spoken words of wisdom. How to Love an Emotionally Unavailable Man “A good husband wipes her tears, but a great husband listens to the story of why she’s crying.” Brace yourself, for these tips for loving a men who aren’t available emotionally aren’t exactly the lightest, most joyful, or most hopeful bits of advice! Many women try to fix their emotionally damaged men by talking about their past. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. Other times, they are emotionally damaged and have serious problems they have to work out before they can be in a relationship. He is a human being but he doesn’t feel like one. I love my partner. One of the most important things when dating an emotionally damaged man is not to be pushy. The opposite of The Hero [see No. You will put up with his insanity because you know that it will last only for a few days and after that he will again be a loving and caring partner. Christine Keller is a relationship expert and domestic violence counselor who’s constantly facing and dealing with what love is not supposed to look like. Understand the reason: Basically, all men want to be loved! There are no results for the term you are looking for. It’s fighting for someone who’s only half present, half available. It is not possible to love someone enough to get them to stop hating and being unavailable. #2 Talk to someone. It is more than just being patient enough to wait for someone to come into your life and not doing anything about it. 7 Reasons Why You Attract Emotionally Damaged Men, This Is How You Open Up To Love After Being Emotionally Damaged, Trust Me, He’s Not Emotionally Damaged, He’s Just An Asshole. Damaged people are so full of love, and that’s exactly why they’re so afraid to fall in it. A reader wonders how to fix her relationship with an emotionally damaged man who says he can’t love. You should tell him how important he is because if you don’t, he will never believe so. As a therapist who specializes in relationships; I frequently witness how diminished people’s capacity to love is these days. It gets old and exhausting over time. Here are some tips for all of you out there who are struggling with your Mr. Imperfect! I am not quite sure what it is. It is okay to be each other’s support. They are people who have learned to put themselves first because they are tired of giving their all to the ones who’ll eventually leave. The trouble with being damaged is that now I'm so paranoid that someone's trying to pull one over on me, that I'm super-defensive. He will finally be happy and satisfied because his life makes sense. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone who's emotionally unavailable, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love. It can take a long time until this happens but if you really care for him, you will wait. People who are emotionally draining often put a lot of their problems and issues on other people. But on the other hand, an emotionally damaged person who has learned how to love will love more deeply than any dog ever could (and that says a lot because I think dogs are really good at love… They have been through hell and back and all they ask for is someone to love them. I know that sometimes you will think of leaving him because it is easier to leave than to fix someone but your heart will tell you not to do that. That’s why, if you choose to love a damaged person, you have to be patient with them, you have to be delicate, you have to make the first step too many times, and most importantly, you must have real feelings for them, feelings that will endure the challenges of time, the battles awaiting you, the storms approaching the coast of your heart. Assure them you don’t hate them. An emotionally damaged man can also love. In fact, he has more love to offer than any other man you will ever meet. It’s a task meant only to the strong willed, to the patient, to the ones who know how to love unconditionally, because the truth is, loving someone who has been hurt is caring for them while expecting anything in return. L July 21st, 2016 at 8:33 AM . Loving a damaged person is a war, a war few are ready to fight, that’s why they are often left alone. You get consumed by their darkness, depriving you of oxygen, and they become the only thing you can breathe. What he really needs: To realize that a fulfilling life … Emotionally unavailable people are incapable of introspection. Loving a damaged person is self-destruction, it’s agony, it’s toxin running all through your body, it’s 2 AM tears all over your pillow; it’s simply hell on Earth. They just need someone who will accept them with all their imperfections and to be able to love them without limitations. Without you, we would have never dared to dream or love again. Yes, I am a damaged woman. They know what it took them to make it here, and they are not willing to allow anyone to hurt them again. It’s being stuck in a loop of mind games, never figuring out when will they come to an end. Loving a damaged person is absorbing their poison and hoping it ends before you’ll lie dead on the ground. It’s a series of battles that will change you forever, battles few are strong enough to endure. That’s why they have mastered ways to protect themselves from getting hurt. 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